Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Worst American Idol Final Song Ever!


This years American Idol Finale song was so horrendous, it forced me to create a blog about it. The lyrics literally gave me a tooth cavity and lowered my I.Q. by at least 30 points. The melody was highly restrictive, forcing two improving singers to hit quick notes out of pitch.

Kara DioGuardi's career lost any ounce of credibility within the brutal 10 minutes of airtime.

This Blog is dedicated to the most hilarious posts about this song. Please add more tasty tidbits in the comments. Be as brutal and cruel as you like.... this is... American Idol


From the Village Voice

8:43. Here's Kara's song for the victor, which is frankly on the line for judgment as much as Adam (in acid-washed black jeans)'s performance. Some lyrics: "Pain...hurricane." "You can go deeper." (That was written for Adam, surely.) "With every step you climb another mountain." I don't want to hear this on the radio.

8:47. Randy: "Dude you can sing anything...but that..." Kara is proud. Paula: "Adjectives can't express..." Simon makes fun of the mountains and the hurricanes. But he doesn't twist the knife, due to Kara's ability probably to hurt him dearly in a physical fight. "I'm not going to judge the song, I'm going to judge you." Simon appreciates Adam's season-long presence.

8:49. Ryan: "After the break, Kris takes on the same song." So... tune in? How do you make that sound enticing?

8:53. Last chance: Kris Allen sings Kara's mess, which is called "No Boundaries." And it's terrible. But contrary to what Simon says, it's really hard to judge the singer without judging the song. This is really unfair to both contestants. Anyway, Kris isn't this kind of singer. "No Boundaries" Unplugged, maybe. But he does this like he knows he lost. Randy says Kris should be proud of himself for his work all season. Kara says she doesn't want Kris to be judged on that song, and she hopes people vote on the season instead of her crappy song....

From Top Idol

Randy says it was just all right. He even evokes the word PITCHY. S*** For Brains uses the performance to pimp herself and her co-writers. Lambert proves he does have acting chops by thanking her for the song and saying its beautiful.

Paula creams herself. It’s times like these when I know Randy is just trying to break through his pre-programmed, micro-chipped vocabular and utter an original thought, because he was right on. Simon tells Adam he’s awesome, but still manages to call S*** For Brains out for what she is and blasts the song as being utter crap.

Now these people, well, they totally half-assed their fantard signs. COME ON. Black Sharpie is all you people got? You are not real fans. Get out.

From Low Resolution

I'd love to talk about "Idol" in full tonight, but beyond the fact that a) I'm rooting for Kris, b) they both sounded pretty tired tonight and b) it's effing late on a weeknight, I'm only going to talk about the Kara DioGuardi co-penned coronation song, "No Boundaries." According to my scorecard, we got a "mountains" a "believe" and several "dreams." But where was "wings," Kara?? I could have had "Bingo"!

Is it the worst coronation song in Idol history? No. That honor still goes to Taylor Hicks's abominable "Do I Make You Proud?" But "Boundaries" was definitely bland, cliched, and ill-suited to the guys who had to actually sing it to put it clearly in the bottom tier.

From Celebrity Gossip

Kris Allen sang “No Boundaries” the coronation song composed by Kara DioGuardi for the American Idol 8 Finale. This horrible, sucky, sappy song has crappy melody and even worse lyrics - “you can make it through the pain”, “you can go higher and deeper,” - the only things missing are rainbows and that pot of gold.

From MTV News

And then there was Tuesday night’s addition to the canon, “No Boundaries,” a titanic mound of turgid clichés co-written by none other than judge and professional songsmith, Kara DioGuardi. This über-”Idol” winner’s song had it all: opening lines about time slowly ticking away and wanting something (Simon’s approval?) forever! But having to wait for it! (Typically 58 minutes.)

Losing your way (see Danny Gokey’s scream), then maybe fearing your chance is already gone! (Anoop who?) Losing faith in yourself (ah, poor Lil Rounds), but then getting that one good reason to fight another day (cue Matt Giraud montage) and never walking away (or in the case of Megan Joy, swiveling away).

If you’ve made it that far, the payoff really comes in the chorus, which, amazingly, required the efforts of three professional songwriters — who between them have written “Toxic,” “I Kissed a Girl,” “I Do Not Hook Up,” as well as hits for Daughtry, Faith Hill and the Jonas Brothers:

“Every step you climb another mountain/ Every breath is harder to believe/ You’ll make it through the pain/ Weather the hurricane/ To get to that one thing/ When you think the road is going nowhere/ Just when you’ve almost gave up on your dreams/ Then take it by the hand and show you that you can.”

Take what by the hand? The road? Who is going to show you that you can? Your dreams? What’s with the awful grammar (”you’ve almost gave up”)? Were they throwing darts at nonsense phrases on a dartboard, because these lyrics make less sense than a Paula Abdul rant.

It gets even worse, though.

Go deeper, higher, no boundaries, break every rule, nothing between you and your dreams … As long as we’re at it, might I suggest another chorus: “Unicorns can fly in the bright blue sky/ Love is the answer to all your burning questions, but can make you cry/ Butterflies are like dreams that come true in living color/ Rainbows are fantasy dream rides to a land of enchantment and wonder/ Ain’t no stopping you now/ Reality-show winners are just like real pop stars, except they’re not.

How bad was it? Well, while Adam Lambert sang the magnetic poetry lines like they were Bob Dylan’s gospel, Kris Allen stumbled and gave a half-hearted effort that had a number of outlets predicting that “No Boundaries” could be the deciding factor in the tight race, or, quite likely, the worst “Idol” coronation song ever.

If Allen loses because of “No Boundaries,” it will be a shame. But even if he loses, he wins, because that means he won’t have to release it as his debut single.

From Vote For The Worst

S****y Idol Coronation Song -- "No Boundaries"

The song is an over-wrought, and shallow collection of cliches about the weather, that even Simon can't help but mock. It is shit, and it is impossible to sound good singing it.

Adam is once again given the Star treatment as he gets backing vocals to make his version sound bigger, fuller and more dramatic.

Kris doesn't get any backing vocals and his stripped down version of the song exposes his thin voice that's ill-suited for the Celine Dion/Mariah Carey vocal exercise of schmaltz that is "No Boundaries.
From Unterekless Thoughts

I just witnessed the final performance episode of the American Idol this season and after listening to Adam Lambert dominate on the first two songs (sorry West coasters!) I then had to listen to listen to Kara DioSuckdi’s song “No Boundaries.” Allow me to paraphrase the lyrics for you: “Go higher, go deeper, you can make it through the pain.” “Climb mountains, survive hurricanes.”
From TV Squad

Adam Lambert - "No Boundaries"

Okay, you guys. This song is awful, and I literally cannot understand a single word he is singing. I'm pretty sure I heard "hurricane, nowhere, and care," but I can't be sure of any of those. The whole thing is a hot mess. It's kind of the worst thing I've seen on this show since Danny's horror scream on "Dream On," but I'm sure the judges are going to fall all over themselves with adoration...

Kris Allen - "No Boundaries"

Wow. Hearing it a second time does not make me hate this song less. I can, however, understand the words a little better when Kris sings them, but like Adam, he hits some bad notes in there. To his credit, however, he seems to have taken the judges' criticisms in the last round to heart. This is a super amped-up performance by Kris standards. He does what he can with it, but it's not something I'd ever want to hear again.